Corrected Brave New World

In a recent article on Johns Hopkins University, I reported on a “time-honored tradition” that wasn’t, namely that when VIPs visit the School of Advanced International Studies, students would shortsheet the beds in the dignitaries’ hotel rooms. Johns Hopkins magazine editor Catherine Pierre set me straight on that one: It seems that I committed the amateurish mistake of not reading the fine print in the article showing that to be a piece of satire.

“This is from the introduction,” Pierre pointed out to me; “‘In fact, we were so amused by some of their shenanigans that, in the spirit of fun and a commitment to serious journalism, we made up a few traditions of our own. (Try to spot them, but if you’re fooled, all is revealed at the end of this feature article.)’”

“And here’s what we wrote at the end: ‘And now … time to come clean about our fabrications.

• ‘To our knowledge, no one from SAIS has ever short-sheeted a bed.

• ‘The Eisenhower Library does not have an E Level.

• ‘If you’ve ever been to APL, you know that nobody there would ever monkey around with a security badge.

• ‘And in the lacrosse sidebar a coat made of blue jay feathers? ‘Please.

• ‘Finally, though you probably thought we invented the “Mr. SAIS” pageant, we did not. It really exists. As journalist Molly Ivins once said, ‘Y’all can’t make this stuff up.’”

“So, no short-sheeting (as far as we know),” Pierre writes. “And who knows? Maybe Kissinger really would have had a sense of humor about it…” I would like to think so.

There was also an element of wishful thinking in my take on the original story that the passage in my last article on JHU was based on as well: the shortsheeting “episode” gave me the nicest thing that I have been able to write about JHU in months.

For example, in a 50-college survey completed for the Intercollegiate Studies Institute, the University of Connecticut named Johns Hopkins as the “worst” university in the teaching of American history and civics, beating out Berkeley. JHU led the pack in what ISI calls “negative learning” or the loss of historical knowledge while in college.

I can report that the SAIS is home to Azar Nafisi, the courageous Iranian author of Reading Lolita in Teheran. The SAIS is also directed by Fouad Ajami, the distinguished Muslim scholar who doesn’t get anywhere near enough air time.

Malcolm A. Kline is the executive director of Accuracy in Academia.