How to Make Small Talk with Progressives

Those of us who fall on the right of the center of the political spectrum frequently find ourselves at a loss when trying to communicate with those who don’t.

Accordingly, we’ve come up with some tongue-in cheek conversational stratagems that will enable you to make small talk with true believers on the Left. You may want to try these out on hard-core conservatives first: If they guffaw, odds are, progressives won’t:

• What do you really think of Donald Trump?
• Is homophobia the fear of homogenized milk?
• Do misogynists actually give massages?
• Is xenophobia the fear of Xena the Warrior Princess?
• Does LGBT stand for liquor, guns, bacon and tobacco?
• Does gun control mean using both hands? (Full disclosure: this is a direct steal from a bumper sticker)
• I’m going to the firing range at the NRA, wanna come?
• Boy, the Koch Brothers really do some incredible work, don’t they?
• What’s your favorite show on Fox News?

On second thought, when you do unveil these bon mots on progressives, you may want to do so when they’ve had a few stiff drinks and you haven’t. That way, you’ll be in shape to make a run for it and they will not.

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